cant think of a title

Just finished my university applications thingie awhile ago, it's just the first step though, not yet going to the interviews or something, but I guess I finally realized something... all my life I have been like one of those people, who do things just because others do so, but not knowing what I exactly want to do, what my heart wants me to do, sometimes I do things just because doing so can make me a person who satisfy most of the people around me, or to make me a person who that everyone likes. To be honest, I never really liked alcohol too much, I hate the hangover I have to suffer after the drunken nights, I dont really like it when people always keep asking me to drink more or whatever, but whenever they give me drinks, I can hardly refuse. And to be frank, I'm not really that no-any-worries, optimistic, always laughing, joking kind of girl that nearly everyone thinks I am, I mean... I am though, but not all the time. Sometimes I think too much just like one of those girls, and sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough, which I'm sure I'm not, still got a long way to improve myself. Plus, I get quite silly when I fall in love , and sometimes it's just that I dont show my feelings too much, especially to people who's very close to me, I find it hard to show my negative feelings toward people I know, especially my good friends. But I guess I'm quite lucky, I'm pretty satisfied with my social life, could be a better friend myself though, should try that. I should read more, get a part time job, travel more and whatever I want to do, I guess its really important to free your mind at first so all the opportunities will come to you. Life is not supposed to be just here, or whatever, its wherever I am and whoever I am or who I will be, I want my life to be colorful and before I get older and settle down, I want to try many different things I have never done before, life is not bad, always have something to look foraward too.